Who would have thought I'd be here.

It's been almost a year since we were waiting to get Conner officially diagnosed. A year ago today I was counting down the days until our appointment with the psychologist. A year ago I was sitting at home bawling my eyes out every few hours because the stress of having a four year old who did not listen and a four month old colicky baby was hard. I never saw this for my future. A year ago I never wanted to leave the townhouse we were renting and look at us now, we own our house and I can't wait to get out and have new adventures. A year ago I was scared to introduce my child to strangers in fear that he wouldn't be accepted. Here I am a year later, here Conner is a year later. He is a brand new child who is working on bettering himself. A year later my son is finding his voice, he is starting to read because I taught him. He is finally starting to understand the toilet is not a monster. He is realizing he has a brother who will be around for the rest of his life.

A year ago I did not think I would get to where we are. I am so very thankful I'm finally getting recognized as a great mother, I'm thankful that my child is being accepted. Society sees that autism is not just a diagnosis. He is different, but that Is what makes him Conner.

We will take one day at a time. We will speak loudly. Like I always say, just because you do not have a voice, does not mean you have nothing to say.

Remembering what life was like before our official diagnosis is hard. It feels like it was so long ago but in reality we have barely made it to that one year mark. Conner I am so proud of you and I'm proud to call myself your mom. I long to hear you call me "mommy" but that will never stop me from being your voice.

Again I thank everyone for reading. We are only one year into this lifetime journey but I couldn't do this without y'all's positive energy!!

New year, and all that follows.

First I'd like to say I hope everyone had a joyous Christmas filled with great food, lots of laughter, some gifts and hopefully all the people you love and care about. I also hope your new year has been as fresh as a newborn baby after their first bath (haha lame but cute)!

We traveled back to the great state of Virginia following our Christmas at home, and surprisingly it was the best 8 hour drive with two kids that I've ever experienced! My dear husband was able to join us on the drive this time around so it was nice to be together as a family (Conner is much more behaved when each child has his "buddy"). We decided for this drive we we're gonna take our time because we knew we'd hit traffic so of course our trip was a few hours longer than normal but thanks to a big case of DVDs, an iPad (with charger), and of course 2 bags of popcorn plus numerous snacks... We made it! Conner was very well behaved and I feel as though he did well considering he was in different surroundings once again. I don't think he remembers that for the first three years of his life he lived in Virginia, but I know one day he will understand.

As we returned from our last family vacation of the year it was a bittersweet weekend. The following Monday my child was returning to school but no longer as a half day student, he was now a full day kid. What does that mean- he was no longer only there for three hours but now seven hours. First thought- what the hell am I going to do for seven whole hours with his 16 month old brother?! When I only had one child I was still working at a vet occasionally pulling 11 hour shifts so I was kept busy, but now I kind of feel lost. Because of the holiday his first full day week was only three days long and he rocked them! Conner not only more than doubled his time at school but he is eating packed lunches in a cafeteria, he's using the potty like a big boy at least once a day and well his language has expanded to so many words it's hard to count!

Conner still has his at home ABA four days a week plus once every other weekend so he stays very busy but it is helping so much! I was very worried that I was putting his needs on another adult but everyone is reassuring me this is whats best for him. I still can't shake the "but I'm his mom" feeling. As much as I feel it should be my job to teach him I'm understanding that he is special, and it definitely does take a village to raise that kid ;)

Now on another note I'm a suffering the biggest case of writers block. I have so much to say but I am, like I said, stuck in the it's my job mood. This year holds big things for our family, our first deployment comes in a few months and I fear that I will not be able to handle all of his alone. We are also currently trying to get all the financial help Conner deserves and also the stress of getting Conner to eat more than just chicken nuggets is hard. I would like to say thank you for reading and as for all of you that message me or call me (cough mom cough) asking where my blog is, I urge you to continue. Writing and hearing everyone listen to conners story means the world and is better than having a therapist. Cheers to another insane year!!

All I want for christmas.

Every parent dreams of spoiling their kids christmas morning and well I want nothing different. Sure there is a deeper meaning behind the holiday but to a kid they don't understand that too well. Now Conner is definitely different. Due to having ASD he doesn't really understand holiday and birthdays, with the exception of the past year.

It wasn't until recently that he was excited for Halloween and now he's excited for Christmas. He will run around our house wearing a Santa hat saying "ho ho ho" and I swear it's the cutest thing to watch!

The past few years have been financially hard on us and we haven't been able to make christmas extra special to enjoy. Also we haven't ever had a Christmas where we were in our own home! We always travelled back to our "motherstate" and spent it with family.we made the decision this year to stay here for the actual holiday and we will travel home for a few days when the husband and Conner are free. This has been the first year that I made sure Conner will get gifts from Santa that he's going to LOVE. Last year he received many gifts ( well I think he got about 20 different dinosaurs from my parents each wrapped individually) but because of family issues he unwrapped them spread out on at least 3 different occasions.

It will be different this year! I told my husband all I want for christmas is to see my babies happy and to see them get plenty of fun learning toys! And sure enough that's just what I have been able to do. I look forward to Christmas morning when Conner runs to the tree as his little brother waddles behind him to go open their gifts.

I know I've said this before but I will do my best to not let myself treat Conner different because he has autism. He is a five year old boy with a disorder but he is still a kid and he deserves the same as others. Now am I saying there won't be meltdowns when the unwrapping starts and Conner doesn't want his toy but he wants his brothers- I know that will happen but I think ill be able to manage.

School. And an Ignorant Bus Driver.

My child, survived his first week of school! One proud mama alert right here! So a lot has happened but lets think of where to start- oh I guess Monday sounds good!

We have had conflicting times about when the bus is to arrive at our house, the not so kind lady on the phone from the bus services said 615 and without thinking my husband agreed, and then the next day a bus showed up at 620... now let me point out that the bus was coming to our house two whole weeks before Conner even started school! So since obviously my husband is military and leaves to work at wee hours of the morning, he waited for the bus driver and told her he wouldn't be actually starting school until after thanksgiving and yet another rude lady said she would come by in a few weeks. So low and behold Monday morning at 615, I heard NO bus but it was after all his first day and I was not going to put him in the hands of that many strangers all at once. As I was getting ready to wake my kids up and get them dressed I heard a bus stop in front of our house, I looked at my phone- it was 640! Yes you read that correctly! So me being the mother I am, I walked outside and confronted the bus driver. First I asked if she was the only person on the bus since we requested an assistant in our IEP, she responded with yes (keep in mind this is a full size regular school bus, we requested a smaller bus with an assistant) so then I asked to see the so called "car seat". First of all this was not a carseat! It was a cutout in the foam "seats" they have with a 5 point harness wrapped around where he would "sit" so I kindly told the lady, he was not going to stay seated in there and she bluntly said "OH he cant get OUTTA dat"! I swear to the readers that was the exact way she said that. Im sorry but that "SHIT aint gonna fly here" SO I then proceeded to ask what time she was going to be here becasue I was confused, she then proceeded to tell me (in her not so proper english) that "oh no hunny, I told your husband 6:15 to 6:20". that is when I snapped. All i responded with is "Its 6:40" and "He will not be riding your bus" and I turned and walked back in my house.

I do not understand how somebody can be so rude to a person who was nothing but polite to them. This person should not be driving a bus nor will my child ever rider her bus. I refuse to possibly wait 20-25 minutes for her to possibly show up at my house! Elementary school does not start until 730 here and thankfully it is only ten minutes down the road.

So besides the bus fiasco, I drove him to school, walked him to his class and greeted his teacher. My child looked like he had been doing that for years, he definitely fit right in and had no issues with us leaving him!! Me on the other hand- I couldn't wait til 1030 to pick him up!

He survived his first week with minimal issues, with the main one being he didn't want to eat any of the school breakfast. Which honestly I knew would be an issue because he is so picky at home so I made sure to pack an apple every day just in case.

The coolest part about his first week is how much he's changed- we are now at the end of the two week mark since well I'm one busy mama and haven't had time to post quickly (sorry mom! Haha). Not only has my child started "talking" more to the point of he can say "taa sh can" for trashcan and "ahl done" for all done- my child is officially potty training himself! For the past 7 days, my son has gone potty in the big boy potty 6 out of 7 days when prompted. I have tried for years to potty train and I honestly was ready to give up. When surprisingly he is showing us that he is ready and wants to try!

School is doing amazing things for my child and I really hope you are understanding how much help there is out there! He looks forward to going and even more I can feel the bond that his teachers have with him! Thank you ladies for being part of the support Conner needs, it's more than just a job! As for the bus driver, I suggest finding a new job.

He's a going to school!!

So the news is out, it's official- my 5 year old has been accepted into school!! After months of meeting with our local early intervention program, we had our final meeting this morning and drafted and finalized up his IEP. An IEP is an individualized education program, or in mommy English it is his plan about when he's going to go to school and what are their goals and objectives while he is attending. These meetings are designed to help children make a school plan if they are not considered "school aged" but has some sort of disability to allow them to learn.
Back to Conner's story, so we had heard from several of our therapists that this was going to be an intense meeting with lots of big words and a lots of thinking, so we decided we were gonna take our little one to a babysitter so we could concentrate on Conner- best decision ever! Even though everyone asked where the "cutie pie" was I'm glad I took him to my friends house for the morning! We arrived at the school and when we checked in we were pointed to the conference room and WOW there was about ten ladies sitting around the table- talk about overwhelming! We had asked our "big" ABA therapist to come so besides here there was two occupational therapists a speech therapist, a special Ed preschool teacher, an autism specialist, the head teacher at the school, the school psychologist, the principal and conners new preschool teacher. There was probably more but that's just what I can call out. So we listen to their evaluation and then their recommendations signed a lot of papers and of course got some much needed calming information from his actual teacher who gave us the run down of what he will be doing on a daily and how everything works.
After all the craziness we came up with the plan that Conner will go part time for the 3 weeks of school between thanksgiving and Christmas and then he will start full time in January for the rest of the school year! I'm so excited for him to ride a bus and be with other kids while learning but I'm kinda sad at the same time. Not only is my child growing up so quickly that he's gonna be attending school but once he starts full time we won't have our special ladies in our lives- at least not until school lets out and the summer sessions start. But all feelings aside I'm doing what's best. His class only has ten kids and only five of them is full time kids, so he will get plenty of attention from the teachers plus he will receive plenty of occupation, speech and ABA therapies in school. It's basically the deluxe package if you ask me!
When we were done with the information meeting I received a huge folder from the school with a bunch of papers to fill out and then conners teacher took us to the classroom which allowed to look around and also meet the kids. The classroom was amazing but honestly the bathroom was the best part- this bathroom was huge but the coolest thing was the full size fridge and the washer and dryer inside just for his class! Amazing right! Haha!! After we saw the class we walked out to the playground so Conner could interact with the kids and honestly I don't think Conner knew exactly what to do... he did make two friends and I think they'll one day be called the three hermanos- at least that's what I'm calling them!
As we left the school and got in the car I was just in awe. We have had the craziest year but look at how far we have come. Never give up and push for your rights, someone's gotta make sure our kids have the best opportunities available for them.

The big 5. Adventures and cake.

I've always believed that five is a big age to turn. I remember my fifth birthday and as per my conversation with fiends everyone has seemed to agree with me.

Well sadly my child doesn't understand many simple tasks so for him to understand that it is his birthday- I wouldn't expect him to know what it means. So as my husband and I decided, we wanted to give him something to remember so that when he was older- we could say "hey son remember when we went to the big aquarium in Georgia, that was for your fifth birthday".

So what did we do, we packed up our SUV, told whatever friends that wanted to tag along that we were hitting the road for the weekend. It was a five hour drive but it was worth every minute on the road! We arrived around 12:30am and after a long drive my kids were WIRED so we decided that we would stay up to the time Conner was born to celebrate- so we of course had to fill conners sensory meters up by rough playing and letting him run around and bounce on beds. Sure he didn't understand what we meant when we kept saying happy birthday but honestly one day, I want him to know that his autism didn't stop us from celebrating. This past year has been rough since his diagnosis but why would I let that stop us from getting out!

So after a good nights sleep we hit the road, ten minutes later we were in the parking garage of the great Atlanta aquarium. I was very hesitant when we were unloading from the car and I decided we weren't going to take the stroller but I'm so glad we didn't! To be honest Conner was great! We had no meltdowns, he LOVED the dolphin show and he had a blast seeing all the fishes and whales, oh and the shark tunnel was the coolest thing to him!! It's shocking to say, but his baby brother was the cranky one out of he bunch! But regardless we all had a blast and I would surely do it again and again if I had the money!

We celebrated after the aquarium with cake and a stay at another nice hotel. In the morning we explored Athens and the campus to our favorite football team (go dawgs!) and Conner yet again surprised us all.

I wish our family was here to enjoy this vacation with us, but for what it's worth I know that they are glad we got out and did something fun!
As for my lovely parents their saying was wish we were there but our gift will surely make up for our absence. It sure did! Of course I'd rather be surrounded by my family then get an expense gift, but my lovely parents bought Conner an iPad. Spoiled? Nope! This iPad isn't just for pleasure- it's actually one of the best therapy tools!! Ill be sure to keep you updated on the learning apps were using and also how it's such an awesome tool!

Enjoy a few photos- with many many more to come!

Trick or treat. With a voice.

Conner could have been a pirate, a ninja, even an angry bird but my child choose a ghost. Yes my practically five year old was a ghost for Halloween! It could have been influenced because for therapy they are making ghost noises and having him walk around with his hands straight out saying boo but at the end of the day, he was the best ghost out there!

Last year was the first actually Halloween my child dressed up and went out house to house. He shocked us by being the calmest kid in the group! He walked from house to house and was careful to only take one piece of candy. I don't know what it is about Halloween that made my kid so- well normal! So when this year came around I was so excited I woke up feeling like a kid again and couldn't wait til it got dark.

Now for the first year ever on Facebook their are pictures and sayings circulating about kids that cannot speak or kids with difficulties grabbing candy. Maybe there were pictures the year back and I'm just noticing them or maybe autism is becoming more known and understood. Hopefully people are understanding more- that would be my wish!

Because of these sayings I had an idea. What mom doesn't want to buy her kid a Halloween shirt to wear, but I wanted to be different. My dad had found a quote and I was going to use my creativity and make it a shirt- so I did! The shirt reads, " happy Halloween... Boo to you... I am non verbal... I cannot speak... If I could I would say... Trick or treat". Now this shirt was a hit! But let's back up- the morning of Halloween I showed my child this shirt. As I read it to him he was trying to copy me! He was trying and was actually making a different sound for each syllable!! He copied the entire saying but when I asked if he could say trick or treat, he said it so clear my heart melted. I immediately called my parents so they could hear him speak! For the rest of the day I kept asking for him to repeat it and he did- sometimes it wasn't that perfect but I don't care, my child was trying and I know he is capable of speaking.

Later we headed out the door to a friends house and now it was time to get ready. Conners costume had a mask- but I knew he wouldn't keep it on because it was a full face mask. So I painted his face white, put some black under his eyes and off we went. Yet again he walked, grabbed candy and this year he tried to say trick or treat.

Overall this Halloween night was yet another great night because he fit in and was accepted for being different. One older gentleman heard him say trick or treat with difficulty and his response was "hey he's trying and he's doing good at trying". For a complete stranger to be so kind was an awesome feeling.

I hope you had a fun Halloween and even more I hope if you encountered a child having a hard time saying trick or treat you didn't treat him differently. Enjoy these few photos from our night!