Return of the bad mom guilt! Lets back up for a second, my son coughs…constantly… and we were always told it was just allergies, until Friday. My son was diagnosed with asthma and sadly it wasn’t me that made the call to go to the doctors, but his school teacher.
I received a text message from Conner's teacher around noon on Thursday asking if Conner had ever been tested for asthma- I responded with “no” he just has allergies (man was I wrong). She then pointed out that yes he has a cough, but now there was a new symptom… wheezing… when I read this, my heart sunk. How did I not notice that my child has been wheezing and coughing constantly?! OH WAIT, I know… probably because I only get to interact with my child for about 2-3 hours a day.
Conner's schedule is close to what a student goes through while getting ready for exams, except for Conner- there is no final exam date. He wakes up, attends kindergarten for seven hours, comes home to do about three hours of ABA therapy (he currently has 5-6 sessions a week) then has about two hours to eat dinner, take a bath and somewhere in there we fit in quality family time with his little brother and me. He does this everyday, and it all gets done before 8 pm when his bedtime routine starts so he can get the proper sleep needed to do it all over the next day.
I barely see or spend time with my own child. Who really would have thought this is how his life would be at the age of five. He is barely six years old! Of course when he has his “down” time all he wants to do is play on his Ipad, or play on the computer- he is a kid, a growing kid that has been put into a more intense work schedule than I know all of you went through when you were his age. But what am I to do? Its helping… but who is losing out in the long run?
This is clearly one of the things people don’t think of when they hear “Autism”. I bet you thought life was all gumdrops and rainbows ehh. Yes there are tantrums, screaming, lots of biting and fist throwing- but in reality these kids are still kids. I never wished this for my child but I really hope that one day he will still thank me. I hope our bond continues to grow as he gains language, I hope he finds a way to express himself whether it be music or writing or just building something beautiful. Most of all I hope people continue to accept him. I love hearing from all of his teachers and therapists that he is such a funny smart and loving kid. I really do love hearing it- but it saddens me that they get to see it more than I do. He is my child, I grew him, I gave birth to him, and yes he will always be my kid, I love you Conner and this is what is best for you- ill never get this time back, but we will be sure to make big memories so that one day when he is older he can say “I did this with my brother and my Mom”.
For Conner,
Keep shining little one, your voice is getting bigger and better by the day! Everyone is so proud of you and you have so many people standing tall behind you to make sure you never fall. Just remember we are finding your voice, one word at a time. We love you to the moon and back!
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Monday, September 9, 2013
50 things about Me.
A lot of people ask me what makes Conner different, and honestly it’s hard to put it in words. If you think about it all children with Autism are different. I’ve used the analogy before that Autism is like the driver of the bus and you never know what students your going to get, so when it comes down to it Autism is so much more than a person having bad social skills or developmental delays. Autism is language, its actions, its feelings and again so much more. Every child is different and instead of asking "why" Conner does things differently I decided I was going to tell you what he actually does and allow you to get to know a piece of him. Finding Conner’s voice will take years, but the progress we have had within this past year will make it all worth it in the end!
1. My name is Conner and I am almost 6 years old.
2. My language skills are far from the best.
3. I did not know how to say "Mommy" or "Conner" until I was 5 1/2 years old
4. For about 6 months I refused to say yes or no. Instead I would click my tongue and point to the item I wanted
5. I learned to read before using my verbal language, this makes me Hyperlexic.
6. I have only been in ABA therapy for a year, but I have made more progress in this past year then I have my entire life!
7. I absolutely love anything Disney
8. I can now name animals, stores, and my favorite is naming characters.
9. I love movies, and mostly YOUTUBE.
10. I find character figurines fascinating.
11. I am an absolute whiz at an Ipad
12. I almost always have something in my hand, its part of my sensory disorder.
13. Most children express imagination skills as early as the toddler years, but I am almost 6 and I am just now using my imagination.
14. I love to line up my toys, I have done this since 18 months old and I probably will never stop.
15. I like to jump when I am standing still, and if you need me to get somewhere quick all you need to do is tell me to gallop like a horse to point b and ill get there in no time.
16. I always have to hold an adults hand when out of my house or classroom ...if not I am a runner and I am quick to jump in front of moving items without warning.
17. I scream when I get frustrated.
18. I also love to put my hands over my ears. This isn’t only for annoying sounds, but mainly when I am excited.
19. Sadly I am not 100% potty trained because I haven’t figured out how to express my needs to use the restroom.
20. My favorite animal is a shark. But due to my stubbornness and my language skills I call it a "Yark"
21. I can probably play my Xbox games better than you.
22. I have a new found glory for dancing. Everyone says I know how to bust a move.
23. I also LOVE to sing! My words are not all there but trust me you can tell that I am trying
24. I hate brushing my teeth.
25. I still need assistance getting dressed, but don’t worry I can take it all off when it counts!
26. I LOVE to give hugs! I’m super friendly I promise!
27. I currently attend an Autism Kindergarten classroom... I fit so well and I finally feel like I belong!
28. I still cannot ride a bike; I can ride a power wheel if you can help me with the steering.
29. I have a super hard time sitting still for longer than ten minutes.
30. I have super bad allergies like my dad, but any medicine makes my tantrums come more frequently.
31. I currently am not on any mood changing medicine for the fact that I cannot express if they made me feel bad on the inside.
32. I did not learn to jump until I was 3 years old.
33. I love my happy meals so much I sing the "bu duh duh duh duh im lovin' it" song when I am riding along through the drive through
34. Cutting my hair requires two adults and several electronics to keep me still. If mommy has to do it alone it takes her at least two sitting to cut it evenly and I give her hell evertime she comes close to my ears.
35. Sometimes I do not hear people when they call my name. It could take you yelling up to 3-4 times for me to recognize it is me you are calling.
36. I practically taught myself how to swim.
37. I love the pool even more than the ocean!
38. I still to this day do not understand many simple commands. If you ask me for the remote it takes me a few to actually remember what a remote is and also that you’re asking for me to hand it to you.
39. I am so intelligent I know how to order movies on demand, even with a password,
40. I don’t understand why I have to wait in line. I blame my patience.
41. I believe that rough play is allowed 24-7 and that everyone is fair game.
42. Sugar might be fun to you, but it messes with all of my senses.
43. My little brother is really becoming my best friend, I like to teach him all sorts of things that makes mommy’s head spin.
44. I am such a picky eater. At the moment all I want is noodles, pizza, hot dogs or chicken nuggets. I absolutely refuse to eat any vegetable (like most kids) but if it is not “finger foods” I will not even try it out.
45. Surprisingly I didn’t learn to drink out of an open cup until the age of 3, even then I still spilt it constantly for months after I learned my new skill
46. Every time I learn a new skill, my mommy cries. You should have seen her when I called her mommy for the first time!!
47. My computer skills are better than a teenager on facebook.
48. I am a very smiley and all around happy when I am not having one of my famous tantrums. They consist of me rolling around the floor like a wet noodle.
49. My lack of vocabulary is ultimately that of a 2 year old… but I will not let that stop me.
50. I am Conner. I am proud to say I have overcome a lot of hurdles all by the age of 6. My life will have many challenges but I have the best family support that any child could ask for. My mother is my number one fan though…
Thank you for taking the time to read about Conner. He doesn’t need to be explained because when it comes down to it, he is Conner
1. My name is Conner and I am almost 6 years old.
2. My language skills are far from the best.
3. I did not know how to say "Mommy" or "Conner" until I was 5 1/2 years old
4. For about 6 months I refused to say yes or no. Instead I would click my tongue and point to the item I wanted
5. I learned to read before using my verbal language, this makes me Hyperlexic.
6. I have only been in ABA therapy for a year, but I have made more progress in this past year then I have my entire life!
7. I absolutely love anything Disney
8. I can now name animals, stores, and my favorite is naming characters.
9. I love movies, and mostly YOUTUBE.
10. I find character figurines fascinating.
11. I am an absolute whiz at an Ipad
12. I almost always have something in my hand, its part of my sensory disorder.
13. Most children express imagination skills as early as the toddler years, but I am almost 6 and I am just now using my imagination.
14. I love to line up my toys, I have done this since 18 months old and I probably will never stop.
15. I like to jump when I am standing still, and if you need me to get somewhere quick all you need to do is tell me to gallop like a horse to point b and ill get there in no time.
16. I always have to hold an adults hand when out of my house or classroom ...if not I am a runner and I am quick to jump in front of moving items without warning.
17. I scream when I get frustrated.
18. I also love to put my hands over my ears. This isn’t only for annoying sounds, but mainly when I am excited.
19. Sadly I am not 100% potty trained because I haven’t figured out how to express my needs to use the restroom.
20. My favorite animal is a shark. But due to my stubbornness and my language skills I call it a "Yark"
21. I can probably play my Xbox games better than you.
22. I have a new found glory for dancing. Everyone says I know how to bust a move.
23. I also LOVE to sing! My words are not all there but trust me you can tell that I am trying
24. I hate brushing my teeth.
25. I still need assistance getting dressed, but don’t worry I can take it all off when it counts!
26. I LOVE to give hugs! I’m super friendly I promise!
27. I currently attend an Autism Kindergarten classroom... I fit so well and I finally feel like I belong!
28. I still cannot ride a bike; I can ride a power wheel if you can help me with the steering.
29. I have a super hard time sitting still for longer than ten minutes.
30. I have super bad allergies like my dad, but any medicine makes my tantrums come more frequently.
31. I currently am not on any mood changing medicine for the fact that I cannot express if they made me feel bad on the inside.
32. I did not learn to jump until I was 3 years old.
33. I love my happy meals so much I sing the "bu duh duh duh duh im lovin' it" song when I am riding along through the drive through
34. Cutting my hair requires two adults and several electronics to keep me still. If mommy has to do it alone it takes her at least two sitting to cut it evenly and I give her hell evertime she comes close to my ears.
35. Sometimes I do not hear people when they call my name. It could take you yelling up to 3-4 times for me to recognize it is me you are calling.
36. I practically taught myself how to swim.
37. I love the pool even more than the ocean!
38. I still to this day do not understand many simple commands. If you ask me for the remote it takes me a few to actually remember what a remote is and also that you’re asking for me to hand it to you.
39. I am so intelligent I know how to order movies on demand, even with a password,
40. I don’t understand why I have to wait in line. I blame my patience.
41. I believe that rough play is allowed 24-7 and that everyone is fair game.
42. Sugar might be fun to you, but it messes with all of my senses.
43. My little brother is really becoming my best friend, I like to teach him all sorts of things that makes mommy’s head spin.
44. I am such a picky eater. At the moment all I want is noodles, pizza, hot dogs or chicken nuggets. I absolutely refuse to eat any vegetable (like most kids) but if it is not “finger foods” I will not even try it out.
45. Surprisingly I didn’t learn to drink out of an open cup until the age of 3, even then I still spilt it constantly for months after I learned my new skill
46. Every time I learn a new skill, my mommy cries. You should have seen her when I called her mommy for the first time!!
47. My computer skills are better than a teenager on facebook.
48. I am a very smiley and all around happy when I am not having one of my famous tantrums. They consist of me rolling around the floor like a wet noodle.
49. My lack of vocabulary is ultimately that of a 2 year old… but I will not let that stop me.
50. I am Conner. I am proud to say I have overcome a lot of hurdles all by the age of 6. My life will have many challenges but I have the best family support that any child could ask for. My mother is my number one fan though…
Thank you for taking the time to read about Conner. He doesn’t need to be explained because when it comes down to it, he is Conner
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