Imagine thinking your life is set, you have a huge bank account, you have the best car, your home is paid for, you have a loving family and then you wake up. Your homeless, your broke, your family is missing and you have no clue what to do. This is honestly how my child feels when it comes to change. Conner might only be five years old, but that's part of his Autism. Conner has it all, a big house with lots of toys, all his favorite foods whenever he wants them, a pain in the butt little brother and two loving parents but Conner's dad is being deployed for the first time in less than a month and it is going to not only be hard for the entire family but it will completely flip Conner's world upside down.
Now I cannot speak for you, but this is a tight family unit. My husband is home at 5, therapy ends every day at 5:45, dinner is eaten around 6 and then its bath by dad and off to bed. Conner knows when mommy does bath, and daddy is nowhere to be found that "Shit just aint right". I am not looking forward to the next 6 months of being a "single" mom of two young boys one which has Autism.
I have known for almost 6 months that this is happening, but until the last month or two it really hit me. I used to think "ehh I have some time" now I'm like "shit I can’t do this!" And to speak openly I don't need people telling me "you'll be fine" and "it'll go fast" cause ill only have two words to tell you- it starts with "f" and is four letters. Oh and the second word to what I’ll say is "you"...
So back to the point...
In order to help my semi non-verbal child understand what big change is coming up the therapists and I have been working hard to come up with ideas. Due to the fact that we are still currently potty training and it seems like Conner's dad is the only one that can make him go on cue (go figure) we decided to make a video of dad talking to Conner about how it’s time to go potty and also in the video he will be physically walking Conner to the bathroom and will do the bathroom routine with him. Hopefully this will help Conner not back track on his progress during the deployment months. Our "big lady therapist" (as I call her) also suggested making a social story book. Basically this book will have actual pictures and will talk about daddy will be deployed and how Conner will still do things normally with mommy and brother and at the end daddy will come back. It will mimic a book I got from our Airman Family Readiness Center when we arrived at our base three years ago. The last idea that I personally came up with is buying Conner a daddy doll. A daddy doll comes from a company that allows you to upload a picture of your service member and out comes a foot tall version of the service member. Only thing about these dolls, once you add up all the add ons- it can be a 40 dollar plush toy (ouch!).
I know that this is going to be hard for me, but I can only imagine the emotions that Conner is going to go through. All I can do is be strong for him and be his constant. Because were almost to the exact one month left mark we have made it a family mission to do as much as we can before the D-day. We have housework, beach trips, field trips to the museums and lots of laughter planned. Having a child with Autism is hard, it’s even harder when you’re doing it alone.
A promise has now been made. Take one day at a time, as each day presents something different. Whether it be good or bad, every day is a brand new day. Anything can happen for a special needs parent, there are no truer words.
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