All I want for christmas.

Every parent dreams of spoiling their kids christmas morning and well I want nothing different. Sure there is a deeper meaning behind the holiday but to a kid they don't understand that too well. Now Conner is definitely different. Due to having ASD he doesn't really understand holiday and birthdays, with the exception of the past year.

It wasn't until recently that he was excited for Halloween and now he's excited for Christmas. He will run around our house wearing a Santa hat saying "ho ho ho" and I swear it's the cutest thing to watch!

The past few years have been financially hard on us and we haven't been able to make christmas extra special to enjoy. Also we haven't ever had a Christmas where we were in our own home! We always travelled back to our "motherstate" and spent it with family.we made the decision this year to stay here for the actual holiday and we will travel home for a few days when the husband and Conner are free. This has been the first year that I made sure Conner will get gifts from Santa that he's going to LOVE. Last year he received many gifts ( well I think he got about 20 different dinosaurs from my parents each wrapped individually) but because of family issues he unwrapped them spread out on at least 3 different occasions.

It will be different this year! I told my husband all I want for christmas is to see my babies happy and to see them get plenty of fun learning toys! And sure enough that's just what I have been able to do. I look forward to Christmas morning when Conner runs to the tree as his little brother waddles behind him to go open their gifts.

I know I've said this before but I will do my best to not let myself treat Conner different because he has autism. He is a five year old boy with a disorder but he is still a kid and he deserves the same as others. Now am I saying there won't be meltdowns when the unwrapping starts and Conner doesn't want his toy but he wants his brothers- I know that will happen but I think ill be able to manage.

School. And an Ignorant Bus Driver.

My child, survived his first week of school! One proud mama alert right here! So a lot has happened but lets think of where to start- oh I guess Monday sounds good!

We have had conflicting times about when the bus is to arrive at our house, the not so kind lady on the phone from the bus services said 615 and without thinking my husband agreed, and then the next day a bus showed up at 620... now let me point out that the bus was coming to our house two whole weeks before Conner even started school! So since obviously my husband is military and leaves to work at wee hours of the morning, he waited for the bus driver and told her he wouldn't be actually starting school until after thanksgiving and yet another rude lady said she would come by in a few weeks. So low and behold Monday morning at 615, I heard NO bus but it was after all his first day and I was not going to put him in the hands of that many strangers all at once. As I was getting ready to wake my kids up and get them dressed I heard a bus stop in front of our house, I looked at my phone- it was 640! Yes you read that correctly! So me being the mother I am, I walked outside and confronted the bus driver. First I asked if she was the only person on the bus since we requested an assistant in our IEP, she responded with yes (keep in mind this is a full size regular school bus, we requested a smaller bus with an assistant) so then I asked to see the so called "car seat". First of all this was not a carseat! It was a cutout in the foam "seats" they have with a 5 point harness wrapped around where he would "sit" so I kindly told the lady, he was not going to stay seated in there and she bluntly said "OH he cant get OUTTA dat"! I swear to the readers that was the exact way she said that. Im sorry but that "SHIT aint gonna fly here" SO I then proceeded to ask what time she was going to be here becasue I was confused, she then proceeded to tell me (in her not so proper english) that "oh no hunny, I told your husband 6:15 to 6:20". that is when I snapped. All i responded with is "Its 6:40" and "He will not be riding your bus" and I turned and walked back in my house.

I do not understand how somebody can be so rude to a person who was nothing but polite to them. This person should not be driving a bus nor will my child ever rider her bus. I refuse to possibly wait 20-25 minutes for her to possibly show up at my house! Elementary school does not start until 730 here and thankfully it is only ten minutes down the road.

So besides the bus fiasco, I drove him to school, walked him to his class and greeted his teacher. My child looked like he had been doing that for years, he definitely fit right in and had no issues with us leaving him!! Me on the other hand- I couldn't wait til 1030 to pick him up!

He survived his first week with minimal issues, with the main one being he didn't want to eat any of the school breakfast. Which honestly I knew would be an issue because he is so picky at home so I made sure to pack an apple every day just in case.

The coolest part about his first week is how much he's changed- we are now at the end of the two week mark since well I'm one busy mama and haven't had time to post quickly (sorry mom! Haha). Not only has my child started "talking" more to the point of he can say "taa sh can" for trashcan and "ahl done" for all done- my child is officially potty training himself! For the past 7 days, my son has gone potty in the big boy potty 6 out of 7 days when prompted. I have tried for years to potty train and I honestly was ready to give up. When surprisingly he is showing us that he is ready and wants to try!

School is doing amazing things for my child and I really hope you are understanding how much help there is out there! He looks forward to going and even more I can feel the bond that his teachers have with him! Thank you ladies for being part of the support Conner needs, it's more than just a job! As for the bus driver, I suggest finding a new job.

He's a going to school!!

So the news is out, it's official- my 5 year old has been accepted into school!! After months of meeting with our local early intervention program, we had our final meeting this morning and drafted and finalized up his IEP. An IEP is an individualized education program, or in mommy English it is his plan about when he's going to go to school and what are their goals and objectives while he is attending. These meetings are designed to help children make a school plan if they are not considered "school aged" but has some sort of disability to allow them to learn.
Back to Conner's story, so we had heard from several of our therapists that this was going to be an intense meeting with lots of big words and a lots of thinking, so we decided we were gonna take our little one to a babysitter so we could concentrate on Conner- best decision ever! Even though everyone asked where the "cutie pie" was I'm glad I took him to my friends house for the morning! We arrived at the school and when we checked in we were pointed to the conference room and WOW there was about ten ladies sitting around the table- talk about overwhelming! We had asked our "big" ABA therapist to come so besides here there was two occupational therapists a speech therapist, a special Ed preschool teacher, an autism specialist, the head teacher at the school, the school psychologist, the principal and conners new preschool teacher. There was probably more but that's just what I can call out. So we listen to their evaluation and then their recommendations signed a lot of papers and of course got some much needed calming information from his actual teacher who gave us the run down of what he will be doing on a daily and how everything works.
After all the craziness we came up with the plan that Conner will go part time for the 3 weeks of school between thanksgiving and Christmas and then he will start full time in January for the rest of the school year! I'm so excited for him to ride a bus and be with other kids while learning but I'm kinda sad at the same time. Not only is my child growing up so quickly that he's gonna be attending school but once he starts full time we won't have our special ladies in our lives- at least not until school lets out and the summer sessions start. But all feelings aside I'm doing what's best. His class only has ten kids and only five of them is full time kids, so he will get plenty of attention from the teachers plus he will receive plenty of occupation, speech and ABA therapies in school. It's basically the deluxe package if you ask me!
When we were done with the information meeting I received a huge folder from the school with a bunch of papers to fill out and then conners teacher took us to the classroom which allowed to look around and also meet the kids. The classroom was amazing but honestly the bathroom was the best part- this bathroom was huge but the coolest thing was the full size fridge and the washer and dryer inside just for his class! Amazing right! Haha!! After we saw the class we walked out to the playground so Conner could interact with the kids and honestly I don't think Conner knew exactly what to do... he did make two friends and I think they'll one day be called the three hermanos- at least that's what I'm calling them!
As we left the school and got in the car I was just in awe. We have had the craziest year but look at how far we have come. Never give up and push for your rights, someone's gotta make sure our kids have the best opportunities available for them.

The big 5. Adventures and cake.

I've always believed that five is a big age to turn. I remember my fifth birthday and as per my conversation with fiends everyone has seemed to agree with me.

Well sadly my child doesn't understand many simple tasks so for him to understand that it is his birthday- I wouldn't expect him to know what it means. So as my husband and I decided, we wanted to give him something to remember so that when he was older- we could say "hey son remember when we went to the big aquarium in Georgia, that was for your fifth birthday".

So what did we do, we packed up our SUV, told whatever friends that wanted to tag along that we were hitting the road for the weekend. It was a five hour drive but it was worth every minute on the road! We arrived around 12:30am and after a long drive my kids were WIRED so we decided that we would stay up to the time Conner was born to celebrate- so we of course had to fill conners sensory meters up by rough playing and letting him run around and bounce on beds. Sure he didn't understand what we meant when we kept saying happy birthday but honestly one day, I want him to know that his autism didn't stop us from celebrating. This past year has been rough since his diagnosis but why would I let that stop us from getting out!

So after a good nights sleep we hit the road, ten minutes later we were in the parking garage of the great Atlanta aquarium. I was very hesitant when we were unloading from the car and I decided we weren't going to take the stroller but I'm so glad we didn't! To be honest Conner was great! We had no meltdowns, he LOVED the dolphin show and he had a blast seeing all the fishes and whales, oh and the shark tunnel was the coolest thing to him!! It's shocking to say, but his baby brother was the cranky one out of he bunch! But regardless we all had a blast and I would surely do it again and again if I had the money!

We celebrated after the aquarium with cake and a stay at another nice hotel. In the morning we explored Athens and the campus to our favorite football team (go dawgs!) and Conner yet again surprised us all.

I wish our family was here to enjoy this vacation with us, but for what it's worth I know that they are glad we got out and did something fun!
As for my lovely parents their saying was wish we were there but our gift will surely make up for our absence. It sure did! Of course I'd rather be surrounded by my family then get an expense gift, but my lovely parents bought Conner an iPad. Spoiled? Nope! This iPad isn't just for pleasure- it's actually one of the best therapy tools!! Ill be sure to keep you updated on the learning apps were using and also how it's such an awesome tool!

Enjoy a few photos- with many many more to come!

Trick or treat. With a voice.

Conner could have been a pirate, a ninja, even an angry bird but my child choose a ghost. Yes my practically five year old was a ghost for Halloween! It could have been influenced because for therapy they are making ghost noises and having him walk around with his hands straight out saying boo but at the end of the day, he was the best ghost out there!

Last year was the first actually Halloween my child dressed up and went out house to house. He shocked us by being the calmest kid in the group! He walked from house to house and was careful to only take one piece of candy. I don't know what it is about Halloween that made my kid so- well normal! So when this year came around I was so excited I woke up feeling like a kid again and couldn't wait til it got dark.

Now for the first year ever on Facebook their are pictures and sayings circulating about kids that cannot speak or kids with difficulties grabbing candy. Maybe there were pictures the year back and I'm just noticing them or maybe autism is becoming more known and understood. Hopefully people are understanding more- that would be my wish!

Because of these sayings I had an idea. What mom doesn't want to buy her kid a Halloween shirt to wear, but I wanted to be different. My dad had found a quote and I was going to use my creativity and make it a shirt- so I did! The shirt reads, " happy Halloween... Boo to you... I am non verbal... I cannot speak... If I could I would say... Trick or treat". Now this shirt was a hit! But let's back up- the morning of Halloween I showed my child this shirt. As I read it to him he was trying to copy me! He was trying and was actually making a different sound for each syllable!! He copied the entire saying but when I asked if he could say trick or treat, he said it so clear my heart melted. I immediately called my parents so they could hear him speak! For the rest of the day I kept asking for him to repeat it and he did- sometimes it wasn't that perfect but I don't care, my child was trying and I know he is capable of speaking.

Later we headed out the door to a friends house and now it was time to get ready. Conners costume had a mask- but I knew he wouldn't keep it on because it was a full face mask. So I painted his face white, put some black under his eyes and off we went. Yet again he walked, grabbed candy and this year he tried to say trick or treat.

Overall this Halloween night was yet another great night because he fit in and was accepted for being different. One older gentleman heard him say trick or treat with difficulty and his response was "hey he's trying and he's doing good at trying". For a complete stranger to be so kind was an awesome feeling.

I hope you had a fun Halloween and even more I hope if you encountered a child having a hard time saying trick or treat you didn't treat him differently. Enjoy these few photos from our night!

Pumpkin patch. Corn and sand.

Lets be honest. You will probably never meet two kids on the autism spectrum that are identical. I had the privilege of attending a social outing with our ABA group this past weekend and while I was there my eyes were opened up. These 5 boys (Conner included) were all so different. One kid didn't like to be away from his mom to the point that he was attached like glue because he didn't like new things, One kid was talking up a storm about the corn field and how to read a map, one kid was very quiet but talked quietly when asked a simple question, but ultimately Conner was the most different as for his had no speech and had to hold hands with someone the whole time so he didn't run off.
Granted my child was the youngest (as was I as a parent) and he was also the newest to the group- all the kids were very much similar.
There was a huge tire jump the had a mound of sand to play on and all the kids loved it! They loved to play in the sand and climb to the highest point. One kid said "you look like an ant down there" so a response was " you look like a giant up there"! These kids see literal things. So he might have been picturing us as ants and then himself as a big giant.
The ultimate favorite was the corn box. It was basically a sand box filled with corn kernels and oh man it was a hit! Every single kid at one point was Laying down squishing sand in between their fingers. It was amazing to see them all fill up their sensory needs by simply rolling in corn!
Overall this trip was so much fun and I look forward to seeing this group of kids again for our next adventure!

Medicating. Or not.

Hearing a trained therapist say they cannot work with your child is the worst. An hour session went to 30 minutes, then 15 minutes and even one session was only 10 minutes long. How could a therapists not work with my child for such a short period of time when I was able to do it every day all day long with no naps involved to get a break and even more- I had an infant on my hip!
His therapist which yes we do still work with her now, told me that unless he got on some sort of behavioral meds or started ABA therapy she didn't think she would be able to handle him. Am I making you mad yet that a trained and licensed therapist said this?
My child is part of the autism spectrum, has ADHD and a bunch of behavioral issues. Now does that mean he is strung up on drugs? No! Don't get me wrong, we debated it and even went as far as reaching out to our social worker to make it happen but thankfully so far we have decided against it.
We were having a hard time getting ABA started due to our medical insurance because instead of using the company they were trying to give us a referral to I wanted to use the company that I met at an autism walk because I felt like they cared about us (which they clearly do).
Thankfully our social worker was able to talk us out of starting a bunch of "mind relaxing" medicines and we concentrated on getting ABA started and that was the best thing ever. Am I to say that I will never put my child on medicine? Definitely not.
I am not against medicating, I just know that in this particular time in Conners life he has something that is better than medicine and that is the three ladies that come to our home four times a week that work on everyday life with him.
Thankfully the therapist that said she didn't think she could work with him reminds me every time we see her that Conner is so different that its amazing how much more attentive he is. I love going into the office and explaining everything he had learned in the past week and seeing that look of shock on her face. We started ABA the beginning if September and Conner has blossomed into the little boy that we all know is in there- we still have a long way to go but the progress we have already seen is totally worth the rough path we have and will continue to go through.
If you have ever been faced with the reality that you might have to put your child on behavior meds, I invite you to take a step back and look at all the options. Sadly these medicines don't always work and can very much make the situation you are in worse. In Conner's case, if I put him on a pill how would I know if he had any side affects like a headache or a tummy ache or if he just didn't feel like him. My child is non verbal and that clearly isn't an option for us, right now at least.
As for the therapist who said she couldn't work with him- I almost gave up on her but I'm glad I didn't. If I did she never would have seen how great Conner is and can be. Maybe he's teaching her a thing or two!

What do you want to know?

I've had the privilege to start sharing my story but I've had a lot of questions along the way. I would love to hear what you want to know or want shared. I'm sharing my email so you can privately send me questions and I will answer them here anonymously through my blog.

Ask away readers!!
Burninphotos@gmail.com

Festival and using a voice.

I must say, in the past three days I have taken my two kids somewhere to do something big which means loud noises and crowds but let me tell you: they have been the best outings I have ever been on with my kids.
Conners autism usually means meltdowns, screaming and not so fun stares because he doesn't talk or necessarily understand. Thankfully this weekend was a complete turn around.
We attended children's day this weekend which had bounce houses and horse rides and lots of booths and games. Of course my child wanted to do everything but he had trouble waiting but even with long lines he did amazingly well. I wore my surfers healing shirt which says "surfers healing a foundation for autism" on it in hopes that if Conner acted up others would see my shirt and be kind. Surprisingly enough, people were! I even had a very nice gentleman at a booth ask me about surfers healing and I was thrilled to explain their organization and what it had done for my child.
Surfers healing is basically a bunch of professional surfers that volunteer their time and kindness to take children with autism out on a surf board for the day. It's amazing to see how wound up these kids are on the beach and how calm they are out in the ocean with a board and trusting a complete stranger. I cried when "mark" our surfer came in on a wave and picked Conner up on his shoulders- seeing the look on conners face was as if he was on top of the world. I posted on their Facebook page telling them that I shared their organization at the event and surely enough they replied saying thank you and said "it only takes one voice". I am proud to say I'm speaking for myself and most of all my son.

Please enjoy these photos!

Angel oak.

My parents haven't seen Conner in about 2 months. The first thing they noticed was a sense of calming peace over him! My dad was the first to point out his change and I can say thank you to my five special ladies to making this happen.
So since my parents are in town for 2 days we decided to get out ad enjoy the weather. We all have been hearing about the angel oak that is located in johns island which from where I live in charleston- 20 minutes down the road. Ill admit I'm very hesitant cause hello, it's not the best choice to take a hyper child who has needs to a 1000 year old tree that you can't climb on haha. But we went and I can honestly say it was the most calming trip- about 85% of it at least haha.
So we pull up, walk to a picnic table, eat our subs, take some pictures and leave- all without any meltdowns and only one accident of Conner running away and making sure his grandpa got his daily Conner exercise (Ps he only ran away because we spotted an albino squirrel and it was the coolest thing since sliced bread to this kid).
It was a very fun outing and I'm very happy that my parents were able to watch a therapy session and also experience the new calmer more attentive version of Conner. There might not be a cure for Autism but there is definitely therapy that really works for children- some more than others but in our case it's a blessing.
Enjoy these photos of our fun outing

Brothers. The silent bond.

Yesterday during ABA my child spoke- like really spoke. He saw his brother through the window and said "hi lil bro"! If that is not something that melts your heart, I don't know how much more gushy I can get!
So lets back up- here I was at the end of my second pregnancy and very unsure if my oldest was going to handle sharing his mom. Let me remind you we did not have a diagnosis for Conner. I had noticed a pattern that Conner did not respond well to change but I thought he has just had a rough year considering we just moved again, he had just gotten his father back and here I was with this big old belly and wasn't my energized self. I still remember friends from back home asking "is Conner excited" and "does the big brother want a brother or a sister"?! Now ill be 100% honest, I didn't want people to know my child was different. I was I guess "ashamed" that my almost four year couldn't speak and even more that he had no idea what a baby was and that we were going to be bringing one home to stay. So my answer was almost always "yes he is" or "we will see how he does".
Conner started daycare a few months before my delivery because I was high risk due to my pregnancy with Conner so his doctor recommended daycare to help get him socialized. Me and my fifty pounds of extra weight was glad to take Conner somewhere so I could just sit down and relax even if it was only for 2 hours. I did feel guilty though cause I knew he gave his daycare teachers a run for the money haha. Conner would say in daycare for a little under a year and I felt like it helped- a little. It got to the point that my four year old was still in the 2-3 year old class and honestly I think it held him back from learning what the average 4 year old would be learning. After he was diagnosed and his therapies started picking up I felt like it was holding him back so I just up and stopped taking him. He didn't like daycare toward the end anyways.
So when I went into labor with Colten I had dropped Conner off at school hen went to the doctors to find out I was not going to be seeing Conner again before I delivered because my labor was starting and I needed to get to the hospital for surgery. Thankfully at the time I had an incredible bond with my neighbor and she thankfully was able to pick up Conner from daycare and she watched him until later that evening when Miguel brought him to the hospital. My mom flew in and after I delivered a healthy 6lb 13oz baby boy my husband left the hospital to pick up Conner and my mom to come to the hospital. Enough about me birthing kids now right!Haha
So I'm assuming they walked Conner into the hospital okay but the moment he saw me on the hospital bed all Conner wanted to do was jump and play- now I just had major surgery so this mama was in no mood! We tried showing him his new brother and well he had no interest in him. Needless to say we did not get the typical big brother holds little brother in the hospital picture. Conner was very upset and all over the place so I knew they needed to get him home. Saying bye to him was the worst- I heard him screaming all the way down the hallway because my poor kid didn't understand why he wasn't allowed to leave with his mama. Because we knew this wasn't the best experience for him we all decided that it would be best if my mother stayed with me for the remainder of my hospital stay and Conner would stay at home with his dad. The next week was followed by temper tantrums and ear holdings because the baby was loud and was getting all of our attention.
I remember crying when my mother was leaving after only staying for a short week. How was I supposed to adjust to two kids- one a newborn and one who had way to much energy and didn't know how to listen?! Needless to say I did it and I'm proud to say to this day nobody could do my job better than me. I'd love to see my mom, sister, husband, even my best friend take care of my kids and deal with what I have to for one whole day: oh man would that be a reality show haha.
Little Colten was hospitalized for 5 days a few weeks later and my mother and sister came to stay with Conner so my husband could stay with my newborn and me in the hospital while they ran tests. I know my mom and sister had lots of fun with crazy Conner and my three nieces and nephew all in one haha.
Now Conner and his new baby brother Colten didn't have a bond until recently and honestly I wish it would have happened months and months ago. Colten was only six months old when Conner was diagnosed and a few weeks later he started occupational and speech therapy. It wasn't until this past summer right before Colten turned one that Conner really started giving him the "normal" brother attention. Even thanks to ABA therapy it's more like "hey" and "no" because Colten wants his big brothers toys.
I call their bond silent because Colten loves his brother so much, but because there isn't speech they are not as close as the average brothers their age. Lately Conner has been paying so much more attention to his little brother that I know their silent bond is strengthening and that's one more checklist off our to do list.
Of course this is only the beginning of their lives and friendship so as their mother my wish for my two sons is that their bond is everlasting and hopefully one day soon their conversations will last for hours and hours.

Battle scars. Literally not figuratively.

As I hope you read my last post I talked a little about my early delivery with Conner and how he was hospitalized for 21 days. I got an email shortly after I posted from my mom pointing out a major event that happened when he was less than 24 hours old! I'm kicking myself in the behind because how could I forget this- it was less than five years ago! But I guess I've had a lot happen in five years so cut me some slack (haha)!

So basically I was so ill I couldn't see my baby til he was almost 24 hours old- see with a c-section your bedridden for about 24 hours afterwards so had to be in a wheelchair to see him; and when I did boy was I in for a surprise. There I was seeing the smallest baby ever and while I was just too smitten with the tiny life I had created my husband notices a bandage around his leg. He got upset and asked what happened and boy does that make us still mad today. Apparently they had to do a central IV which I totally understand they needed this to save his life- but anyways they told us that our barely lifeless premature baby kicked out his IV causing whatever was going through to completely burn his skin. It is called and IV infiltrate burn and by definition it is when IV solution is leaked into the surrounding tissue. Basically whatever was going through the IV leaked and burned about a 2 inch circle right above his ankle. There we were looking at a tiny little baby who's head fit comfortably in the palm of my hand and now we didn't have just his health to worry about- now we had to think about the possibility that he might have a hard time walking. We had to apply burn medicine and wrap it for months which during those months we had to give him sponge baths to keep his leg dry. We also had a few visits with a Plastic surgeon hoping that his leg wouldn't be totally deformed. Sure enough he can run, he can jump and we make jokes that sometimes his bad ankle looks more normal than his other ankle! Haha !!
Clearly my child is and always be a fighter. Here he is with weeks to go til his 5th birthday and this kid has been through more than a lot for his age. He's my strong boy- he will succeed even with a battle scar.


I added picture below of when Conner was less than a week old with it bandaged and then a picture of his ankle today.

Red flags and ignorance.

You reads the books, you take great care of yourself but you honestly never think, "what if".

My pregnancy with Conner was very easy until the end when I was 33 weeks pregnant- sick and contracting I went to the hospital thinking they would just give me the magic pill to stop my contractions and send me home to count down the next seven weeks til I have my baby. Sure enough on the second night in the hospital his heart rate dropped so low they told me I was going to need an emergency c-section to deliver my baby. I still remember when the nurse came in the room to check me, took one look at the monitor and zoomed out of the room. Next thing I know there's three nurses and a doctor putting the rails up on my bed and all I could say to my husband was,"call my mom". Sitting in the operating room freezing my ass off the cut me at 1:30am and one minute later a tiny 4lb 9oz baby was out and screaming. My husband had actually fooled me because not but two seconds before I heard his first cry I asked him if they cut me open yet and he said no... Big liar he was!!

You don't think your going to have a baby early nor do you think 4 years down the road he was going to be diagnosed with a Autism. Conner was hospitalized for the first 21 days of his life and young and clueless me thought that was all I was going to have to deal with. Conner was hospitalized again at 13 months because of a seizure and thankfully that's been all of the hospital visits for our sweet Conner.

Now even being a preemie he crawled early and walked early. See for preemies they have what they call adjusted age- which since he was just about two months early he was allowed to be two months late on his milestones until he reached the age of two which then they say he should be caught up. So him crawling at eight month and walking at ten months would be like an on time baby crawling at six months and walking at eight months. This made us feel very good that he was "on time". Now speech is a whole different story. Yes at nine months we started hearing mama and dada and a few other sounds but slowly that started to fade. At Conner's 15 month appointment there were significant red flags for development when we pointed out Conner had no speech and clearly lacked eye contact and was a very hyper baby- so what did they do, they simply wrote a referral to have him evaluated at Kennedy Krieger institute at Johns Hopkins hospital in Baltimore Maryland.

Now this frightened me so much because I did what no mom should do- I researched on the Internet what could possibly be wrong and of course the first thing that showed up on google was Autism! There it was in plain sight but I tried to keep an open mind because my husband, my parents and myself clearly did not think that was a possibility. We sat there for well over an hour watching a psychologist administer the exam which involved block designs and watching him attempt puzzles of all shapes and sizes and hundreds of questions about can he do this or that. They were comparing him to a normal 15 month old to see where he stands. After all this testing the doctor looks at us and says "well he is definitely NOT autistic"! Phew!!! That was such a relief to hear- now the conclusion was Conner was perfectly normal besides the fact that at the time he only had a language skill of a 7 month old. So we were told we needed to find him a speech therapist and with time he would be fine. Still to this day I am angry that this lady didn't see it- the signs were clearly all there and we saw them but I guess nobody wanted to believe.

Thankful that he only had speech delay we went about our lives thinking just maybe one day he will talk- but clearly that did not happen. We did however take him to get his ears checked just to be safe and on our first visit the ear Dr said maybe he needed tubes because he's probably hearing under water and that could be why he doesn't understand- but that was a bust when we returned on the second visit to hear - "Na he can hear fine". So obviously we went on back to- he will talk one day. It was years later when we finally met a pediatrician who knew something was wrong when our newly four year old had no language and barely looked you in the eyes.
It makes me very upset now that I look back and think what was the first psychologist thinking- was she not on her a-game that day or what?! Because of my experience I want you to think if you feel like there might be something off with your child. You are their advocate as their parent. Your the voice that they need.

The five special ladies.

One of the reasons why I am sharing Conner's story is to educate. We all know that every child is different- but even more every child with autism is extremely different. I once heard the analogy- Autism is like the driver of a bus and you never know what children will be on that bus or where they are going to sit. Now in Conner's case he has an attention disorder, behavior issues, speech issues,and sensory processing disorder. Just because Conner has these "kids" on his schoolbus doesn't mean his friend "Charles" who also has autism has the same symptoms; he might only have behavior issues and a mild case of SPD (sensory processing disorder). Very kid is different and that is super important to understand especially when talking about Autism.

Conner has three different therapies which totals five different ladies that he sees within 5 days a week (big pimp right!! Haha). He attends occupational, speech and ABA (applied behavior analysis). Occupational therapy is to help with his SPD which for Conner he doesn't like certain textures of food, he lacks sensory which for him he needs rough play to calm him and enjoys doing handstands and getting squeezed for a calming sensation and also he does not like loud sounds or new clothing. He also has a bad habit of sucking on his shirts and putting objects in his mouth when watching TV or playing on my phone ( it's a nasty habit and were working on it so don't judge!) Obviously speech is to help Conner talk which we all know by now he is classified as non verbal even though he can say a few words clearly and can make sounds even though they don't make a word. Now ABA is my favorite thing to talk about because its basically a private tutor that teaches him everything from speech to naming objects to potty training and then some all while dealing with his meltdowns and sensory overload moments. We have only been working with the three ABA ladies for a little over a month but wow- he has had the biggest improvement! They have engaged him to have more imaginary play, his speech has picked up and even more he has amazing eye contact and is actually giving his little brother much more attention. I wish we would have started ABA much earlier but I'm very happy with the progress that he is already showing.

Now even with all these therapies and wonderful things my child learns on a daily basis were still missing one thing. School. Conner turns the big 5 November 3rd which puts him after the cutoff date to start school on time so even though he is meant to start school next year- my child is behind. Because of his lack of speech he doesn't know a lot. Of course he knows how to make a dinosaur roar and how to work an iPhone better than me, but that still puts him educationally behind an average 5 year old. We have reached out to the child find program here and we are on talks to put him in the early intervention program to help better his learning skills. He will be in a special education program but surprisingly that doesn't bother me one second and nor should it bother you. Kids in special Ed are still kids- and everyone just wants a shot at being as normal as any other child. I look forward to giving more information as it is given to me but until then ill just thank the five special ladies that we see and are helping Conner find his voice. Thanks ladies!

Family support. Traveling. And love.

Lets face it, nobody thinks they are going to have a child in their family diagnosed with autism. Conner is one out of nine grandchildren and luckily he is the only one who has been diagnosed with Autism. Not saying autism is all bad- in our families case it has brought us all closer. As I've previously mentioned we are a military family and we just so happen to live 500 miles away. There is literally a whole state between us!! Now the distance doesn't matter because my parents are the first to jump at any opportunity to help. Which I give the biggest thanks to them. Thank goodness for technology because even with the distance I am able to call home when Conner learns a new word and even better we FaceTime to show his progress.

Now visiting our families isn't the easiest thing. We have 500 miles which is about an 8 hour drive which could be less or more when traveling with two children especially when one of them has autism ADHD and a whole rack of behavioral issues. My SUV is normally filled with DVD players, blocks, puzzles, a tablet, books and maybe some crayons Now Conner looses attention fairly quickly and it happens a lot where ill be driving and all the sudden ill look over and there's Conner, unbuckled leaning over the center console just saying hi- it's pretty scary but even more annoying that I have to pull over numerous times on our trip to buckle him back up. Now my child is very tall- so he sits in a booster with a back- but he's too big to fit in a 5 point booster so were left with the car seat belt. We actually had to purchase angel wings to get him to not unbuckle but my child still slips out the bottom. Point of my story- if he wants out- he will find a way.

Now we try to visit every few months but I'm so blessed that I have the most amazing parents that visit me every other month. It's much easier for them two to hop in a car then my two kids, a rack of toys, every DVD we own- and oh yeah me the driver ha!

Now back to family. Family means the world to me so I just wanted to send some thanks. My parents are the greatest support. Whether its financial or emotional they are my first call for anything. I want to thank them because they have been through this journey since day one and I do not know where I would be without them! To my sister and brother, thank you for not treating Conner like he is any different then your over nieces and nephews- I love that you still pick on him and hold him to the same standards even though is he has autism. Thank you to their spouses and all of my beautiful nieces and nephews!! Thanks to my father in law and my husbands grandma for always lending a helping hand. Without all of you- this journey wouldn't as easy because your support means the world.

Now for the relationship roller coaster that I have with my husband- that's a whole new blog. Until later my friends!

The Grocery store. Tantrums and apples.

Picture this. You walk into a grocery store just minding your own business, maybe your there for one item or maybe your getting you weekly groceries- your standing there and you see a young child screaming or possibly throwing something or maybe just having what you think is a good old fashioned temper tantrum. Did you stop and think maybe this kid has a "disability" instead of just acting like a spoiled brat?!
I can't tell you how many times I have gone shopping with my two kids and Conner has had a meltdown because he wants to eat an apple before paying for it or he heard someone over the intercom that sets him into a fit and I hear comments about me being a young bad mom because my child is acting out. Why must you judge? Instead of asking if i need help or simply shutting your mouth, educate yourself! Sensory processing disorder normally comes with autism and well it adds a not so fun kick to a child with autism. Certain smells can make a child go into a rage so quickly it's like flicking a switch. Conner does not like crowds or basically anything new. Sounds set him off to where he will cover both of his ears and scream to help block out the noise. It really is hard for my non verbal child to communicate which it has gotten to the point that I don't like confrontation any more so I will go shopping at night or with a buddy.
Another question, if you saw a kid in a wheelchair and he or she is speaking in a not so understandable language would you stand there and make a comment to the mom about why she didn't teach her child to speak properly? I think not. Autistic children do not look any different then a non autistic healthy child. I believe that is a big reason of the lack of knowledge.  I've debated on making a shirt for my child to wear that says "just because I have autism doesn't mean you  need to stare". But when it comes down to it- it's not fair to him. I want him to wear a shirt that says " I have autism and I am beating the odds against me".
I hope this is making you think about a time you made a comment or thought something negative in your head about that "brat" child you saw at the store- stop judging. I bet next time you see a child like Conner you might think, that mom goes through a lot and it is not anyone's fault that the poor kid is having a bad day or maybe he really just wants to eat that apple.

Conners story under 300 words.

Please check out "Conner and the search for a voice" written by me on the stories of hope section on the autism site.

Did you know that if you visit this website daily you can click for free and it will donate free therapy to families in need. You don't have to register or anything. simply just click The Autism Site

http://theautismsite.greatergood.com/clickToGive/aut/story/conner-and-the-search-for-a-voice186;jsessionid=63411501ADFF9BF29B9D24AA9E534A7A.xc-c

And it all begins...

Well here it finally is! I have been trying to find ways to be the best advocate for my four year old son who was diagnosed with autism and viola- after planning and writing down fine details in my black binder I'm doing it. I'm openly sharing Conner's story and everything my little family of four goes through on a daily basis. As a mother of two I find myself questioning a lot and trying to find answers is hard! I can only hope that by sharing Conner's story I'm educating and hopefully reaching out to other families going through the same thing.

Please feel free to share and most of all comment- without questions there can't be answers!

Shall I start with info about me? Okay lets do this!!

My name is Lizza and I am 23. Yes I'm young to have two kids but lets face it- I've been married to the same man for almost 5 years! We have a son Conner who is almost 5 and a son Colten who just turned 1. We are a military family that resides in the great state of South Carolina. I am a crafty stay at home mom that loves to write and build tents and let me tell you- I have an awesome dinosaur roar. My children are my everything but this past year has been the hardest for sure.

Not wanting to start this off sad but the one thing I desperately want to share is the reality of my beginning. Conner was evaluated February 2nd of this year and when we went back on the 9th our world got flipped upside down. Hes always been different but cooky different. He didn't ever stay still or listen. We had him evaluated when he was 15 months old and were then told it was just language delay. Now yes this time we were going because his pediatrician thought he might possibly have aspergers because he still wasn't talking but even then I didn't think I'd hear at that time what I thought was the worst. We thought eh hes got ADHD and that runs in the family so its cool they got pills for that (ha ha thats not funny but I still laugh). Now we all take news differently, in the pit of my stomach I knew, but did I want to openly admit it? NO... My husband on the other hand did want to hear it, and it honestly took months for him to embrace the news. When that lady looked at us and said those few words he shut down and was ready to walk out of the office and never look back. Me, I just wanted to hear the lady out, grab my two kids and go to the car to cry. Conner was only born 7 weeks early, his ears were fine- his eye sight was normal- he just could NOT talk nor did he care to learn. We were supposed to be in the office with her the day of the evaluation for 2 hours, we were there for 45 minutes and clearly she knew. I wish she would have told us that day, but instead we spent the rest of that week wondering and worrying about what this lady was going to say about our precious son that she had just met and barely knew. Our lives haven't been the same since his diagnosis for obvious reasons but thankfully it is looking up.

Now Autism is common, way more common then we think. 1 in 88 children born today will be part of the spectrum. Honestly that's a lot. Did I know much about autism before Conner's diagnosis- NOPE. Now that's what I'm here to change. Knowledge is key! I want to be able to go to the grocery store and people not stare and say hurtful comments when my child acts up (that's a story for another day). So lets stop and think.

Until tomorrow my friends! Please again feel free to share, comment, question me, yell at me... whatever works just so I simply know someone is reading.