Pumpkin patch. Corn and sand.

Lets be honest. You will probably never meet two kids on the autism spectrum that are identical. I had the privilege of attending a social outing with our ABA group this past weekend and while I was there my eyes were opened up. These 5 boys (Conner included) were all so different. One kid didn't like to be away from his mom to the point that he was attached like glue because he didn't like new things, One kid was talking up a storm about the corn field and how to read a map, one kid was very quiet but talked quietly when asked a simple question, but ultimately Conner was the most different as for his had no speech and had to hold hands with someone the whole time so he didn't run off.
Granted my child was the youngest (as was I as a parent) and he was also the newest to the group- all the kids were very much similar.
There was a huge tire jump the had a mound of sand to play on and all the kids loved it! They loved to play in the sand and climb to the highest point. One kid said "you look like an ant down there" so a response was " you look like a giant up there"! These kids see literal things. So he might have been picturing us as ants and then himself as a big giant.
The ultimate favorite was the corn box. It was basically a sand box filled with corn kernels and oh man it was a hit! Every single kid at one point was Laying down squishing sand in between their fingers. It was amazing to see them all fill up their sensory needs by simply rolling in corn!
Overall this trip was so much fun and I look forward to seeing this group of kids again for our next adventure!

Medicating. Or not.

Hearing a trained therapist say they cannot work with your child is the worst. An hour session went to 30 minutes, then 15 minutes and even one session was only 10 minutes long. How could a therapists not work with my child for such a short period of time when I was able to do it every day all day long with no naps involved to get a break and even more- I had an infant on my hip!
His therapist which yes we do still work with her now, told me that unless he got on some sort of behavioral meds or started ABA therapy she didn't think she would be able to handle him. Am I making you mad yet that a trained and licensed therapist said this?
My child is part of the autism spectrum, has ADHD and a bunch of behavioral issues. Now does that mean he is strung up on drugs? No! Don't get me wrong, we debated it and even went as far as reaching out to our social worker to make it happen but thankfully so far we have decided against it.
We were having a hard time getting ABA started due to our medical insurance because instead of using the company they were trying to give us a referral to I wanted to use the company that I met at an autism walk because I felt like they cared about us (which they clearly do).
Thankfully our social worker was able to talk us out of starting a bunch of "mind relaxing" medicines and we concentrated on getting ABA started and that was the best thing ever. Am I to say that I will never put my child on medicine? Definitely not.
I am not against medicating, I just know that in this particular time in Conners life he has something that is better than medicine and that is the three ladies that come to our home four times a week that work on everyday life with him.
Thankfully the therapist that said she didn't think she could work with him reminds me every time we see her that Conner is so different that its amazing how much more attentive he is. I love going into the office and explaining everything he had learned in the past week and seeing that look of shock on her face. We started ABA the beginning if September and Conner has blossomed into the little boy that we all know is in there- we still have a long way to go but the progress we have already seen is totally worth the rough path we have and will continue to go through.
If you have ever been faced with the reality that you might have to put your child on behavior meds, I invite you to take a step back and look at all the options. Sadly these medicines don't always work and can very much make the situation you are in worse. In Conner's case, if I put him on a pill how would I know if he had any side affects like a headache or a tummy ache or if he just didn't feel like him. My child is non verbal and that clearly isn't an option for us, right now at least.
As for the therapist who said she couldn't work with him- I almost gave up on her but I'm glad I didn't. If I did she never would have seen how great Conner is and can be. Maybe he's teaching her a thing or two!

What do you want to know?

I've had the privilege to start sharing my story but I've had a lot of questions along the way. I would love to hear what you want to know or want shared. I'm sharing my email so you can privately send me questions and I will answer them here anonymously through my blog.

Ask away readers!!
Burninphotos@gmail.com

Festival and using a voice.

I must say, in the past three days I have taken my two kids somewhere to do something big which means loud noises and crowds but let me tell you: they have been the best outings I have ever been on with my kids.
Conners autism usually means meltdowns, screaming and not so fun stares because he doesn't talk or necessarily understand. Thankfully this weekend was a complete turn around.
We attended children's day this weekend which had bounce houses and horse rides and lots of booths and games. Of course my child wanted to do everything but he had trouble waiting but even with long lines he did amazingly well. I wore my surfers healing shirt which says "surfers healing a foundation for autism" on it in hopes that if Conner acted up others would see my shirt and be kind. Surprisingly enough, people were! I even had a very nice gentleman at a booth ask me about surfers healing and I was thrilled to explain their organization and what it had done for my child.
Surfers healing is basically a bunch of professional surfers that volunteer their time and kindness to take children with autism out on a surf board for the day. It's amazing to see how wound up these kids are on the beach and how calm they are out in the ocean with a board and trusting a complete stranger. I cried when "mark" our surfer came in on a wave and picked Conner up on his shoulders- seeing the look on conners face was as if he was on top of the world. I posted on their Facebook page telling them that I shared their organization at the event and surely enough they replied saying thank you and said "it only takes one voice". I am proud to say I'm speaking for myself and most of all my son.

Please enjoy these photos!

Angel oak.

My parents haven't seen Conner in about 2 months. The first thing they noticed was a sense of calming peace over him! My dad was the first to point out his change and I can say thank you to my five special ladies to making this happen.
So since my parents are in town for 2 days we decided to get out ad enjoy the weather. We all have been hearing about the angel oak that is located in johns island which from where I live in charleston- 20 minutes down the road. Ill admit I'm very hesitant cause hello, it's not the best choice to take a hyper child who has needs to a 1000 year old tree that you can't climb on haha. But we went and I can honestly say it was the most calming trip- about 85% of it at least haha.
So we pull up, walk to a picnic table, eat our subs, take some pictures and leave- all without any meltdowns and only one accident of Conner running away and making sure his grandpa got his daily Conner exercise (Ps he only ran away because we spotted an albino squirrel and it was the coolest thing since sliced bread to this kid).
It was a very fun outing and I'm very happy that my parents were able to watch a therapy session and also experience the new calmer more attentive version of Conner. There might not be a cure for Autism but there is definitely therapy that really works for children- some more than others but in our case it's a blessing.
Enjoy these photos of our fun outing

Brothers. The silent bond.

Yesterday during ABA my child spoke- like really spoke. He saw his brother through the window and said "hi lil bro"! If that is not something that melts your heart, I don't know how much more gushy I can get!
So lets back up- here I was at the end of my second pregnancy and very unsure if my oldest was going to handle sharing his mom. Let me remind you we did not have a diagnosis for Conner. I had noticed a pattern that Conner did not respond well to change but I thought he has just had a rough year considering we just moved again, he had just gotten his father back and here I was with this big old belly and wasn't my energized self. I still remember friends from back home asking "is Conner excited" and "does the big brother want a brother or a sister"?! Now ill be 100% honest, I didn't want people to know my child was different. I was I guess "ashamed" that my almost four year couldn't speak and even more that he had no idea what a baby was and that we were going to be bringing one home to stay. So my answer was almost always "yes he is" or "we will see how he does".
Conner started daycare a few months before my delivery because I was high risk due to my pregnancy with Conner so his doctor recommended daycare to help get him socialized. Me and my fifty pounds of extra weight was glad to take Conner somewhere so I could just sit down and relax even if it was only for 2 hours. I did feel guilty though cause I knew he gave his daycare teachers a run for the money haha. Conner would say in daycare for a little under a year and I felt like it helped- a little. It got to the point that my four year old was still in the 2-3 year old class and honestly I think it held him back from learning what the average 4 year old would be learning. After he was diagnosed and his therapies started picking up I felt like it was holding him back so I just up and stopped taking him. He didn't like daycare toward the end anyways.
So when I went into labor with Colten I had dropped Conner off at school hen went to the doctors to find out I was not going to be seeing Conner again before I delivered because my labor was starting and I needed to get to the hospital for surgery. Thankfully at the time I had an incredible bond with my neighbor and she thankfully was able to pick up Conner from daycare and she watched him until later that evening when Miguel brought him to the hospital. My mom flew in and after I delivered a healthy 6lb 13oz baby boy my husband left the hospital to pick up Conner and my mom to come to the hospital. Enough about me birthing kids now right!Haha
So I'm assuming they walked Conner into the hospital okay but the moment he saw me on the hospital bed all Conner wanted to do was jump and play- now I just had major surgery so this mama was in no mood! We tried showing him his new brother and well he had no interest in him. Needless to say we did not get the typical big brother holds little brother in the hospital picture. Conner was very upset and all over the place so I knew they needed to get him home. Saying bye to him was the worst- I heard him screaming all the way down the hallway because my poor kid didn't understand why he wasn't allowed to leave with his mama. Because we knew this wasn't the best experience for him we all decided that it would be best if my mother stayed with me for the remainder of my hospital stay and Conner would stay at home with his dad. The next week was followed by temper tantrums and ear holdings because the baby was loud and was getting all of our attention.
I remember crying when my mother was leaving after only staying for a short week. How was I supposed to adjust to two kids- one a newborn and one who had way to much energy and didn't know how to listen?! Needless to say I did it and I'm proud to say to this day nobody could do my job better than me. I'd love to see my mom, sister, husband, even my best friend take care of my kids and deal with what I have to for one whole day: oh man would that be a reality show haha.
Little Colten was hospitalized for 5 days a few weeks later and my mother and sister came to stay with Conner so my husband could stay with my newborn and me in the hospital while they ran tests. I know my mom and sister had lots of fun with crazy Conner and my three nieces and nephew all in one haha.
Now Conner and his new baby brother Colten didn't have a bond until recently and honestly I wish it would have happened months and months ago. Colten was only six months old when Conner was diagnosed and a few weeks later he started occupational and speech therapy. It wasn't until this past summer right before Colten turned one that Conner really started giving him the "normal" brother attention. Even thanks to ABA therapy it's more like "hey" and "no" because Colten wants his big brothers toys.
I call their bond silent because Colten loves his brother so much, but because there isn't speech they are not as close as the average brothers their age. Lately Conner has been paying so much more attention to his little brother that I know their silent bond is strengthening and that's one more checklist off our to do list.
Of course this is only the beginning of their lives and friendship so as their mother my wish for my two sons is that their bond is everlasting and hopefully one day soon their conversations will last for hours and hours.

Battle scars. Literally not figuratively.

As I hope you read my last post I talked a little about my early delivery with Conner and how he was hospitalized for 21 days. I got an email shortly after I posted from my mom pointing out a major event that happened when he was less than 24 hours old! I'm kicking myself in the behind because how could I forget this- it was less than five years ago! But I guess I've had a lot happen in five years so cut me some slack (haha)!

So basically I was so ill I couldn't see my baby til he was almost 24 hours old- see with a c-section your bedridden for about 24 hours afterwards so had to be in a wheelchair to see him; and when I did boy was I in for a surprise. There I was seeing the smallest baby ever and while I was just too smitten with the tiny life I had created my husband notices a bandage around his leg. He got upset and asked what happened and boy does that make us still mad today. Apparently they had to do a central IV which I totally understand they needed this to save his life- but anyways they told us that our barely lifeless premature baby kicked out his IV causing whatever was going through to completely burn his skin. It is called and IV infiltrate burn and by definition it is when IV solution is leaked into the surrounding tissue. Basically whatever was going through the IV leaked and burned about a 2 inch circle right above his ankle. There we were looking at a tiny little baby who's head fit comfortably in the palm of my hand and now we didn't have just his health to worry about- now we had to think about the possibility that he might have a hard time walking. We had to apply burn medicine and wrap it for months which during those months we had to give him sponge baths to keep his leg dry. We also had a few visits with a Plastic surgeon hoping that his leg wouldn't be totally deformed. Sure enough he can run, he can jump and we make jokes that sometimes his bad ankle looks more normal than his other ankle! Haha !!
Clearly my child is and always be a fighter. Here he is with weeks to go til his 5th birthday and this kid has been through more than a lot for his age. He's my strong boy- he will succeed even with a battle scar.


I added picture below of when Conner was less than a week old with it bandaged and then a picture of his ankle today.